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Posted: Oct/05/2006 10:48 PM PST
Boy Foz that one really had me going. |
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Posted: Oct/06/2006 12:51 AM PST
which one, Maggie? |
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Posted: Oct/06/2006 3:09 AM PST
The one where the boy wrote a letter to his father. I felt so sorry for the father until I got to the botton and saw why the kid had written it. |
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Posted: Oct/06/2006 8:56 PM PST
[B]HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?[/B] (Written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 [B]WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?[/B]Twenty-three is the best age because you've known the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 [B]HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?[/B]You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 [B]WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?[/B] Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 [B]WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?[/B]Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 [B]WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?[/B]I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9 [B]WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?[/B]When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that - - Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8 [B]IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?[/B] I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) [B]HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?[/B] There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favorite is....... [B]HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?[/B]Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10 
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Posted: Oct/06/2006 9:56 PM PST
[B]Taking a Tinkle [/B] A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tea rs. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out." "No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog." |
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Posted: Oct/07/2006 6:37 PM PST
ROTFLMAO That one never fails to crack me up!! Thanks fer the laugh!! 
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Posted: Oct/09/2006 11:13 PM PST
A POLITE WAY TO PEE! During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Johnny, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Johnny said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Rich, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner." The teacher fainted! |
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Posted: Oct/10/2006 11:56 PM PST
The doctor said, "Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need....a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suite." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Bill laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Bill tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Bill thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bill and said, "Let's see 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Bill was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Bill tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Bill walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Bill thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see...size 36." Bill laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." New suite - $400 New shirt - $36 New underwear - $6 Second opinion - PRICELESS |
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Posted: Oct/11/2006 12:30 AM PST
LOL!!!! Thats good |
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Posted: Oct/13/2006 3:29 AM PST
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed > home. > > He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: > > "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely > stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please > allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. > > God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. > > The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman > He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their > school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to > school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners > and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove > home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. > He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 > P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and > sweep and mop the kitchen floor. > Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on > the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do > their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did > the ironing. > At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded > the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. > > After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, > bathed the kids, and put them to bed. > > At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he > went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get > through without complaint. > The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, > I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being > able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." > > The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned > your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. > You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night." |
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