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Location: East Tennessee
Posted: Jul/25/2006 4:24 PM PST
Bird Flu Warning
The Centers for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience 3 or more of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. High fever
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someones windshield
I have been having issues with #6 lol Just kidding, I thought this was funny-Jennifer
Posted: Jul/25/2006 4:37 PM PST
LOL! good one, willowjay!
Posted: Jul/25/2006 5:03 PM PST
Why DID the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
RONALD REAGAN: I don't recall.
MOSES: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FREUD: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
SADDAM HUSSEIN #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
THE POPE: That is only for God to know.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
DARTH VADER: It can cross, but it cannot escape its DESTINY. Join me on the dark side of the road! Do not underestimate the power of the road!
THE CHICK-FIL-A COWS: We don't know, but someone should eat that chikin.
BILL CLINTON: Now, I will admit that while I was governor of Arkansas, I saw a lot of chickens. However, I do not know this chicken. This chicken is simply trying to gain some attention in professing to have crossed this road. This presidency will not be respond to, nor be affected by, any of the lies that this chicken concocts.
BILL CLINTON #2: I have no recollection of exposing myself to this chicken, although it may be a possibility inasmuch as I regularly adjust, lower or remove my pants in the course of normal grooming or hygienic routine, and this chicken may have been inadvertently included on one such occasion. I do, however, deny that I then directed this chicken to perform anything that would fall outside her normal duties and shake her so much as to compel her to cross the road.
JOHN F. KENNEDY: Ask not what road this chicken crossed. Ask what road you can cross for that chicken.
EEYORE: Doesn't matter. Probably will get run over anyway. Just like a chicken. Fal-de-ral and merriment. I'm going to eat my thistles.
ROSS PEROT: Now I'm glad you asked that question. Take a look at this graph, you see? Here's some of our American chickens. Over here we got some of them Japanese chickens. Now are you listening to me? It's just as plain as the nose on my face.
DAVID LETTERMAN: Ahhh, yes, chickens. Ha HA! How 'bout THAT, there Paul? You ever eat any chickens? Yessirree. Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand tonight's top ten list. Ha HA! The top ten reasons the New York chicken did NOT cross the road. That's right. Did NOT cross the road. Ha HA!
BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD: Huh huh huh huh huh . . . . . you said 'road'.
MARCIA CLARK: Indeed, why DID the chicken cross the road? And then we may ask where was this chicken the night of June 17? Does it know where the bloody glove was? The LAPD seems to be interested in this chicken. I think you'll find this chicken was a close confidante of OJ's.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road? "Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it frigging wanted to. That's the frigging reason.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
TEDDY ROOSEVELT: Speak softly and carry a big chicken across the road.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to Synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
Posted: Jul/25/2006 5:47 PM PST
What do pirates use to keep their parrots on their shoulders?
Posted: Jul/25/2006 9:03 PM PST
[SIZE="1"] oh... fozbad [/SIZE]
Posted: Jul/25/2006 9:08 PM PST
Originally posted by cazimere[SIZE="1"] oh... fozbad [/SIZE]
you got a better one, caz?!
Posted: Jul/25/2006 9:20 PM PST
What did the parrot say when she fell in love with the frog?
Polly wants a croaker!
[SIZE="1"]thought you'd never ask[/SIZE]
Location: NW Arkansas
Posted: Jul/25/2006 9:22 PM PST
ROFL!!!! Oh Caz that was good too!
Posted: Jul/25/2006 9:38 PM PST
man! i walked right into that one! LOL
Location: NE Ohio, deck chuckin' fool
Posted: Jul/26/2006 12:30 AM PST
oh geez... you do need another vacation.