ChrisBorders's Blog

H...E...Double Toothpicks....
Apr 2, 2009 | 10:14 AM PST
Tags: rain , greenhouse

That was just one of the many...many non-printable words that came flying out of my mouth this morning.  I'm sure the sight I presented would have been comical to anyone looking on...it was a weekly winner of America's Funniest Home Videos...and absolutely a viewer must-see on YouTube...but...un
fortunately it was anything but...to me.  Let me explain...

I awoke to pouring rain...flashes of lightening...and cracks of thunder...so I thought...okay...today isn't going to be the day to plant my garden after all.  No problem...I'll just get up...drink my coffee...read the newspaper....then clean the house.  Not too bad of a way to start my day...or so I thought.  My dogs had other ideas of course.  When they saw me it automatically became time for them to go outside to do their morning ablations...(my new word for the week!)...I told them we'd go out just as soon as I started the coffee maker...that held them pretty good and of course putting food in their bowls kept their attention off of me and on their breakfast.  They ate...no...ate isn't quite the right word for what I was witnessing...they wolfed it down...while the coffee slowly dripped into the pot...and I do mean slowly dripped...it knew I needed coffee...that my body was screaming for it's first dose of caffeine...and it intended to make me suffer.  I've learned that kitchen appliances have a way of torturing you at the most inappropriate times...and this was one of those times....

I finally got a cup of coffee in my hands...was bringing it up to my lips...savoring the wonderful smell of it all...and looked out my kitchen window.  There to my horror was my Southern Engineered Greenhouse with it's vinyl sheeting roof holding what could only be described as a ton of rain water!  Both sides of the roof was hanging inside and very low...it had pulled up the sides in order to hold all of this water!  I never did get that first sip of coffee...I flew out of the house...still in my pj's and fuzzy black slippers...and into the backyard fearing the worst...and the worst was staring me in the face!  I unzipped the front and tried to get inside but I couldn't because of the inside hanging roof!  So I thought...okay...how do I fix this? I had as can only be described as...an AHA moment...you know what I'm talking about...that one brilliant idea pops into your mind and it should work...it will work...but somehow it goes oh so wrong...

I ran back to the carport where I'd seen a pushbroom leaning against the wall...grabbed it and headed back out to my greenhouse.  My thought was to somehow get inside and slowly work the over hanging water filled roof until it drained.  Darn good plan I thought...this will work...and it did...on one side.  I started on the other side and was slowly working my way to the front of my greenhouse...water was draining just like it should be and I was feeling oh so smug about it all when it happened....I was standing in the wrong place at the right time when all of a sudden my broom slipped and it allowed the vinyl sheeting...with it's ton of water...to collapse...RIGHT ON TOP OF ME...that's right...I said it...right on top of me...the coldest water I've ever had the displeasure to experience!

That's when the words started flying out of my mouth!  All the words you can't print...all the words that would make a lady blush...all the words that sailors use everyday...There I was...standing in a puddle of cold rain water...soaking wet...wet pj's...squishy slippers...hair stuck to my face...and I was just a cussing.  If any of my neighbors had witnessed it with a camcorder I would now be rich...wet...but rich......................